Bennett Sewell Art

As I woke up in the hospital, I heard one nurse say to another nurse, “That’s the dog that is on his last leg.”  As best I could, I threw back the sheets and sure enough three of my legs were gone.  I don’t remember anything: it was a hit and run, reality head on.   The witnesses were lying.  I’m not a jay walking type of dog.

 

Rehab was tough, one peg leg at a time.  Before I was injured I could walk the walk and talk the talk; so what to do in the face of this reality.  I had always had a gift of gab, especially when talking to myself.   I decided to go to fortune telling school and check out other forms of reality.  I got on the web, looked up the All Knowing Academy (AKA) and signed up.  The testimonials on the site were wonderful, dogs talking about fulfillment, happiness, and success; all of which they had from being All Knowers.  The fee was quite small considering.  I learned to see the other side.  I am now a certified All Knower.   I can now help more dogs more better.  All dogs want something when they visit a fortuneteller: usually to get rid of a worry, enhance a relationship or get rich.  Give me a little time and some talk and as an All Knower I can give them what they want.

 

Then I moved up to a higher level of reality, a dream job in a nutritional supplement health food store.  I had remedies for everything from cellulite to cancer, all organic, gluten free, natural, and from ancient China.  They also all taste bad but good medicine always tastes bad. The only thing I didn’t have was a potion for loss of hope but our research department was testing dried collard greens and Chinaberries at the pound.  One of my best sellers was for bad breath, under arm problems and stinky gas.  A lot of dogs like to roll in stinky but I don’t do it anymore cause I prefer to be defined by what I do rather than how I smell. 

 

For my next career advance, I started GPS (Good Poop Sticks), an advertising agency specializing in political campaigns using all the knowledge that I had accumulated fortune telling and selling nutrition supplements.  We do offense (set the hook and jerk, jiggle, and jerk) and defense (deny, defuse, distract, and denounce).  We mix in fear with our in-house doomsday expert.  Personally, I like candidate tarring by association, hints of past misdeeds and nickname tagging.  I slip it in the unconscious.  I am so smooth.  I hire male and female dogs, as they tend to approach the opportunity from different angles.  Many of the best dogs working for me, are old con artists on a prison work release program doing the same thing that they did when they got put in jail.  It’s a win-win situation.  Employee development is key to staying on top: one of our best seminars is led by class action plaintiff attorneys.  I had to be careful about these dogs because they tried to hire my doomsday expert, CL (Chicken Little).

 

Now, I have a testimonial on the AKA website, total creative control, excellent customer satisfaction and big money. When my customers get together to divvy things up, I’m always there. I’m on the top of my pile.

 

I sometimes wonder what that nurse that took care of me after my accident would say now?  Would she still say that’s the dog that is on his last leg?